I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
where are my eyebrows?
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