this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
