please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
