I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
