PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
