Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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