Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
