watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
