and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
