I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
