But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
