Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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