i just wanna soil my oats bro
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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