do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
