Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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