well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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