so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
