dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
