I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
