Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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