I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize