You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
