yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
