just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I supernannyed him into submission
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
