NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
