Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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