I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
