If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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