What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
