i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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