so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What a dumb baby whore.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
