i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
