Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
