ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
