Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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