how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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