so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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