i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
