she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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