Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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