Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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