I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
