Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
