Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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