Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
