is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
