Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
