I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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