thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
