Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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