is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
