Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize