hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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