that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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