he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
