Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
