Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
