FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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