Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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