Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
