He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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