do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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