Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
