You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
