Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
