She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
