I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
