so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
