Need sex. Gaining weight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
