I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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