i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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