Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just want nice things and good sex
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
