Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you still have your period?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just pee around me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
