I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
