Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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