We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
two words: eviction party
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
