Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
