I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
