I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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