...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I fill condoms, not promises.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
