the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
