i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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