and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
