Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
