How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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