Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
