The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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