Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
