i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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