Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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