i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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