dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
