Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
