you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
