everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize