In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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