I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
