Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize