I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
