my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
