The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
