so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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