My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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