Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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