so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
