i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
