Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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